NEW YORK – The average person has trust issues to varying degrees, whether it’s a result of how they were raised, a relationship, friendship, or other internal or external factors. With this in mind, the primary person you should never trust is someone trying to murder you. A murderer is someone who commits murder, also […]Read More
AMERICA – It’s unpopular opinion time here at Sad Carrot News. The common trope or superstition or whatever the fuck you want to call it of saying bless you or god bless you is a stupid fucking formality that needs to be ended. The worst part is no one seems to know why they say […]Read More
AMERICA – Unpopular opinion time here at SatCarrotNews: Why the fuck do we have to listen to the National Anthem before every single sporting event? You go to a sporting event only to stand up and listen to the National Anthem being sung while middle-aged racist white guys get hard-ons screaming in mindless jubilation. You […]Read More
LOS ANGELES – The future of humanity isn’t looking good as climate change, inflation, low wages, social unrest, and the gates of capitalistic hell continue to unleash. Thankfully, the one bright side of the future is knowing that someday, that fucker Elon Musk will be dead. Whether it happens within a couple of years or […]Read More
BOSTON, MA – The farmer’s almanac, an annual periodical that provides long-range weather predictions for the U.S. is an archaic and widely inaccurate method of predicting how the winter will be every year. Regardless, countless Americans read the farmer’s almanac, believing what it says, constantly quoting it to any friends and family who will listen […]Read More
AMERICA – As we approach yet another Columbus Day, it’s time to reflect on how fucking stupid it is that we still celebrate this day in America. Christopher Columbus was an explorer who sailed across the Atlantic multiple times and Americans are brainwashed in school by being taught that he discovered the Americas. In reality, […]Read More
WASHINGTON – The ongoing notion of a neighbor being a great neighbor by being friendly and helpful is the contrary of what Sad Carrot News believes to be a quote-on-quote good neighbor. In reality, the best neighbor is the neighbor you never meet, leave everyone the fuck alone and mind your own business. “I don’t […]Read More
AMERICA – Just a quick opinion piece to let everyone know why the 4th of July is the stupidest fucking holiday of the year in this country we call America. It isn’t celebrated to recognize when we declared independence from Great Britain. Instead, it’s been twisted into this cult-like praise and yearly party of loving […]Read More
WASHINGTON – As texting trends change throughout time, one thing is for certain: anyone who still texts “xD” or “:P” should be tried for crimes against humanity. It’s a disgusting repugnant act that is a significant portion of everything wrong with humanity. Rightful execution is only applicable to those who still text the disturbing and […]Read More
YELLOWSTONE, WY – As 2020 begins to dwindle to an end, many Americans are feeling out of hope with the recent 2020 election debates, no government stimulus in sight, and countless other dreadful realities plaguing the country. As a result, many Americans are seemingly agreeing that the Yellowstone Caldera Eruption is very preferable compared to […]Read More
