BOISE, ID – Local man Frank Korkenbalz has listened to rock band Rage Against the Machine for almost 30 years but stated today that he’s refusing to ever listen to them again after a recent political statement they made that he doesn’t agree with. “When I read what they said I was furious. I’m done […]Read More
LOS ANGELES – Local record collector Joe Johnny, 28, is reportedly wondering why people care what he spends his money, with the main bulk of his income going to his record collection. “Joe barely eats and is behind on all of his bills because all he spends his money on is his damn record collection. […]Read More
ERIE, PA – With Doctor Fauci’s recent announcement that concerts can possibly return by the end of 2021, an Erie local band is reportedly excited to begin harassing friends to come to their shows as they did prior to the pandemic. “I can’t wait to start ripping gigs again and getting our friends to go. […]Read More
SYRACUSE, NY – Local man, Colton Horse, misses the days before the COVID-19 pandemic where he could pay $17 for a shitty beer in a cheap plastic cup at an overpriced country concert where he only knows around three songs total. “Yeah man, it’s been a struggle this past year for me. Drinking store-bought beer […]Read More
COLUMBUS, OH – As the pandemic continues to rage on and affect countless Americans, one Columbus musician is thrilled to use the pandemic as an excuse for why he didn’t become a successful rock-star. “When my kids ask me one day why I didn’t make it as a musician, I’m going to gladly use the […]Read More
ALLEGANY STATE PARK, NY – After a fun night of activities and drinks, a camping experience went terribly wrong after no one knew how to play Wonderwall by Oasis on guitar. The report comes after Dan Slee, 24, realized none of his friends knew how to play Wonderwall properly, despite all of them claiming they […]Read More
FLAGSTAFF, AZ – A Flagstaff man is close to questioning his livelihood after hearing the Blink 182 ‘Nobody Likes You When You’re 23’ birthday reference 27 times before noon on his birthday. Gerald Morgan, 23, has reportedly discontinued his phone service and is avoiding friends and family at all costs. Morgan has been dreading his […]Read More
BUFFALO, NY – A Buffalo man is in serious but stable condition tonight after crashing his car during his surprised enjoyment of DJ Khaled. Benjamin Smith, 26, was driving home from work this evening heading south on the 190 when the DJ Khaled song No Brainer came onto the radio. Smith says he felt completely […]Read More
BALTIMORE, MD – A new cancer study by a team of doctors at Johns Hopkins University has shown a link between country music and ear cancer. The study shows that steady listening of country music causes an extremely aggressive cancer to form in the ear canals at a very rapid rate. Once contracted, your odds […]Read More
