LONDON – Local anti-cemetery guy Oscar Folk, 38, is reportedly telling everyone around him to throw his body in the trash when he dies instead of being buried in a cemetery. Folk told reporters that being buried in a cemetery is his greatest nightmare, without giving any clear reasons why he hates cemeteries. “I hate […]Read More
WASHINGTON – With the month changing to November, Americans are witnessing a slew of warnings from Thanksgiving enthusiasts, stating to not forget about the stupid holiday before the other stupid Holiday, Christmas. “Remember, there’s another holiday before Christmas, and that holiday is Thanksgiving. Sure, it’s all a holiday where people have to sit their annoying […]Read More
WATKINS GLEN, NY – Local couple Jeannie and Joe have an exorbitant amount of apples after apple picking for 11 days straight in October. The couple was reportedly so excited for apple picking season that they’ve spent nearly two weeks picking apples without a single break. The two were hospitalized from dehydration. “We nearly died, […]Read More
NEW YORK CITY – Local blogger Ronnie Rads, 28, is reportedly running out of things to write about that no one cares about on his various blogs. “I used to write a bunch, but with life being so shitty and boring, what the hell do I write about? I can’t think of shit,” said Rads. […]Read More
ITHACA, NY – Local friends John, Jerry, and Kris reportedly stayed at an average at best Airbnb in Ithaca that wasn’t bad, despite the Blair Witch Den that was in the Attic. According to legend, the Blair Witch is said to be the ghost of Elly Kedward, a woman banished from the Blair Township (latter-day […]Read More
ST. LOUIS, MO – Local Washington University in St. Louis student Joe Exon, 20, is reportedly excited to graduate in a couple of years so he can enter the actual shit cycle of life. “Nothing is better than being done with school and entering the shit cycle we call life. I’m going to wither away, […]Read More
NEW YORK CITY – Local Yankees fan, Joe England, 28, is reportedly facing a crisis as his New York Yankees continue to underperform. When England found out that sports don’t matter at all in the real world and that he could focus on things that matter in his life, England refused to acknowledge anything being […]Read More
ALBANY, NY – The Fortenski family has been going through a lot of family strife lately that centers on their oldest son Billy, 30, who pisses and shits on the floor in his room and never cleans it up. “It’s just so gross. There are ants and flies all over the place, and the entire […]Read More
NEW YORK CITY – Local surgeon Ellis Double, 31, is reportedly bummed that he can’t take selfies, a photograph that one has taken of oneself, with organs of the patients he performs surgery on. “I only got into the whole surgeon thing so I could take some cool selfies with organs. For whatever reason, they […]Read More
BALTIMORE, MD – Local man Ronnie Rons, 31, is reportedly conflicted if a yo-yo is cool anymore. The report comes after Rons purchased a yo-yo, discovering no one yo-yos anymore. “I was very excited to get into the yo-yo game, but man, I’m not seeing anymore do it anymore. I don’t know what to do […]Read More
