TOKYO – A local Olympic athlete can’t wait to get paid in recognition by the multibillion-dollar Olympic committee, claiming nothing puts a smile on their face more than a corporation not paying the reason people tune in. “Being on television for these few weeks will show everyone who I am as an athlete. Sure, the […]Read More

JERSEY CITY, NJ – A local New Jersey woman is contemplating dumping her boyfriend after discovering her boyfriend doesn’t under the plot of the 1985 Sci-Fi classic Back to the Future.   “I don’t understand how anyone can’t understand the plot of this movie. He gets stuck in the past so now he needs to […]Read More

LOS ANGELES – The Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) has made a name for itself being one of the most successful cinematic universes in cinema history. The MCU’s upcoming film Nothing, is a two-hour blank screen and is expected to gross $2 billion in its opening weekend.   The film, which has no plot or purpose, […]Read More

LOS ANGELES – Local Man Taran Smell reportedly watched the first half of the classic 1994 film Pulp Fiction for the first time and now considers himself to be a film buff, someone with a passionate interest in cinema. “This movie just spoke to me and normally I only watch movies with dudes in it, […]Read More

WASHINGTON – Major League Baseball (MLB) recently announced that pitchers are no longer allowed to sweat during games, claiming the sweat could get on the baseballs while they are pitching.   The decision comes days after the MLB announced a ban on any foreign substances being used by pitchers to help control the ball. Umpires […]Read More

NORFOLK, VA – A local Virginia band reportedly realized that people still don’t care about them or their band even after a global pandemic. “You would think a global pandemic would cause people to appreciate things more like their local music scene, but nope. No one gives a fuck,” said guitarist Jeffer Smithto. Smithto is […]Read More

NEW YORK – A local New York Yankees fan is debating on sacrificing his entire family to the Canaanite God Moloch in order to have the New York Yankees play better. Moloch appears several times in the Hebrew Bible and is primarily known for its child sacrifice practices, prompting the Yankee fan to consider killing […]Read More

SEATTLE, WA – Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon and the richest man in the world, announced this week that he will be flying to space next month for no apparent reason. “Frankly I’ve just grown bored with all of my money. I have so much of it I just don’t know what to do […]Read More

LOS ANGELES – A local Los Angeles man is reportedly disappointed in his acid trip after realizing the hallucinated John Travolta he was communicating with for a few hours was the real John Travolta. “I thought I was tripping balls enough that I was somehow talking to a fake John Travolta. Instead, I find out […]Read More