SPRINGFIELD, USA – Marge Simpson of the long-running television show The Simpsons announced today that she’ll be legally changing her name to Edith Simpson as she doesn’t want to share a name with that piece of shit congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene. “Ever since she first got elected to the House of Representatives last November I’ve […]Read More
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Elon Musk’s Neuralink co-founder, Max Hodak, has announced the company can theoretically make a real-life Jurassic park world instead of using Musk’s wealth to end world hunger. The report has made many Americans jovial over the announcement, causing many to not care about ending world hunger since robotic dinosaurs are way […]Read More
NEW YORK CITY – Conservative television host and steaming pile of garbage Tucker Carlson, reportedly broadcasted the white supremacist D.W. Griffith film Birth of a Nation on Tucker Carlson Tonight while chanting My Führer. Carlson is defending the action, claiming that cancel culture is after him and that there’s nothing wrong with broadcasting a white […]Read More
TAMPA BAY, FL – Tampa Bay Buccaneers Quarterback Tom Brady has announced today that he’ll be making multiple clones of himself so that he can continue playing in the NFL forever. Once his current body starts to fail, he will commit ritual suicide and have one of the clones take over. “I just love playing […]Read More
PALO ALTO, CA – Facebook founder and scumbag Mark Zuckerberg was reportedly standing on a sidewalk unconscious, only for it to be discovered that it was actually a steaming pile of shit on the sidewalk. “Yeah, I took a glance over and thought it was Zuckerberg laying unconscious, but really, it was just a big […]Read More
PORTLAND, OR – After watching Pokémon Detective Pikachu, a local Oregon man is reportedly considering adding the phrase writer to his dating profile after writing a sentence-long review about the film on the popular social network film app Letterboxd. “I see myself as a writer now. I get a lot of joy with the words […]Read More
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Local man Josh Pin, 23, is reportedly vowing to watch all future Super Bowls alone after dealing with listening to his parents laugh during every single terrible corny commercial. “It was just brutal. Every stupid ass commercial they’d be chuckling at the horrible corny jokes. It was like my own living […]Read More
DETROIT, MI – A local man is looking forward to the Super Bowl this year but not for the reason most people are. Tim Bridgehump, 38, is excited to drink himself into oblivion so he doesn’t have to remember watching Tom Brady and Patrick Mahomes each play in yet another Super Bowl, 12 total between […]Read More
TAMPA, FL – With Super Bowl LV on its way to feature a faceoff between the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Kansas City Chiefs, the game is expected to hold 7,500 healthcare workers and rich drunk Americans who have nothing better to do in a pandemic. “We’re very excited to not only honor healthcare […]Read More
Marvel Entertainment’s latest film Spider-Man: When Spidey Has to Shit is expected to be released on demand through HBO’s streaming service at the beginning of March. Streaming sales for the film are presumed to gross over $1 Billion, shattering all previous records for on-demand sales. The film featured Tom Holland reprising his role as […]Read More
