DALLAS, TX – Charlatan and scum of the earth human Alex Jones, creator, and host of the far-right fake news sight Infowars, was arrested today and charged with 4 counts of child abuse.
Jones was arrested after it was discovered that he was farting in his four kids’ faces every night after they fell asleep, as a result of believing his farts had mind-control properties.
One of Jones’ kids informed his ex-wife of what was happening when he had the kids at night and she immediately told the authorities, who then corroborated the story with all of the kids.
Jones reportedly farted in their faces and told them to stop talking to their mother while they were sleeping. Jones thought his farts had the same properties as the chem-trails he claims the government uses from planes to control people.
When brought out in handcuffs, Jones was seen farting on police officers and screaming ‘you will now let me go’ repeatedly.