Since forming in the late 17th century, Sad Carrot News has risen to the top of pure journalistic integrity. Promising News From a Carrot, Sad Carrot News exposes the truth in all walks of life with a hint of satire. Examples include politicians, chefs, tiktokers, dad bars, unemployed suburban moms, meatless Monday victorians, avid kayak enthusiasts, simps, and part-time religious folks. There isn’t a group of people, ideology, or activity, the carrot isn’t afraid to dive into.
Along with the abundance of incredible journalism perfection, Sad Carrot News promises world domination by the end of the 21st century. Rather than 195 sovereign countries, the world will be reunited through One World Under Carrot, a perfect reality for the dying and wasteful breed of homo sapiens. Promises of One World Under Carrot include the mandatory assassination of people who tip less than 20%, any person on the keto or carnivore diet, frequent Facebook users, libertarians, and white men with tribal tattoos.
Once One World Under Carrot is in full effect, Sad Carrot News has plans for the solar system and galaxy shortly after. It’ll no longer be the Milky Way Galaxy, but the Carrot Galaxy. There isn’t anything the carrot can’t do. With or without your support, you’ll be forced to join the greatest empire the world has ever seen.
How Can I Contact Sad Carrot News?
Can I Submit Articles to Sad Carrot News?
No, don’t waste your time. Sad Carrot News is a ruthless company that pays its workers nothing so that its owners can maintain a billionaire status.
Can I Advertise With Sad Carrot News?
In order to maintain a billionaire status, the owners of Sad Carrot News are always interested in making money from you. For any sort of advertising, email firstname.lastname@example.org with the caption of “Advertising Inquiry” in the title of the email. Please indicate what your business is, and what you hope to advertise exactly.
What if I Want to Sue You?
The First Amendment protects satire as a form of free speech and expression. Sad Carrot News uses fake names for all stories except for public figures. Sad Carrot News isn’t intended for people under the age of 18 years.
What if I Want to Support Sad Carrot News?
We love money, and are always open to accepting donations and contributions to keep this site up and running. Consider donating below.