Local Man Against Legalization of Cannabis Because He Hates the Color Green

WASHINGTON – With ongoing pressure to legalize cannabis at a federal level, one local man is reportedly against legalization because he hates the color green. Danny Feld, 29, has nothing against people who smoke or eat marijuana but has a strong distaste for it becoming federally legal because of how much he hates the color […]Read More

‘How Dare These Corporations That We Gave Giant Tax Cuts Too Take a Stand Against Racist Voting Restriction Laws’ Yells Mitch McConnell and all the Other Scum Republicans

WASHINGTON – Mitch McConnell and the rest of his scum Republican cohorts are livid with giant corporations that they gave tax cuts too like Coca-Cola and Delta, speaking out against the racist voting restriction laws that have recently been signed into law in Georgia. “How dare these corporations criticize the new voting laws in Georgia. […]Read More

Hillary Clinton’s Podcast to be Removed From iHeartRadio After It Was Discovered 100% of Listeners Jumped Off a Bridge While Listening

WASHINGTON – Hillary Clinton’s Podcast, You and Me Both with Hillary Clinton, is reportedly being removed from iHeartRadio and all podcast providers after it was discovered 100% of listeners jumped off a bridge while listening to it. The report comes after a string of former politicians announced they began podcasts, many wondering who the hell […]Read More

‘It Gets So Much Warmer Earlier Every Year So I Love Global Warming’ Says Stupid Fucking American

BUFFALO, NY – Local Stupid Fuck, Ronald Foreskin, can’t believe the unseasonably warm temperatures they’ve been having in his hometown of Buffalo, New York. The grass is growing, leaves are budding on the trees early, and they’ve already broken the high-temperature record for multiple days.   This isn’t just happening in Foreskin’s hometown though; this […]Read More