BIRMINGHAM, AL – Local American Ronnie Ron, 29, reportedly realizes how shit the United States is after visiting Belgium for one day. “I can’t believe I’ve been lied to my entire life. Everything is better in Europe. The U.S. is utter shit, and I’m bummed,” said Ron. Ron is expected to leave all possessions and […]Read More
PHOENIX, AZ – Local woman Katie Geraldine is six months pregnant with her first child, but the number of random people giving her stupid pregnancy tips that she doesn’t want to hear drives her mad. “I swear if one more random person at work, or a random family member, or even a random person I […]Read More
NEW YORK CITY – Local man Jay Konnie, 28, reportedly purchased a plane ticket at New York’s John F. Kennedy International to hang out in the food court. “People ask me what I want to do; truthfully, I just want to hang out in the food court with people at the airport. It’s fun and […]Read More
NEW YORK CITY – Local cryptocurrency investor Jex Biles, 29, is reportedly the worst person ever, a correlation that is no surprise since he’s involved with cryptocurrency. “I love investing in cryptocurrency. Not because I make money from it, but because it’s fun to talk about,” said Biles. There are countless people like Biles, most […]Read More
STANFORD, CA – A new study out of Stanford University has proven that the length of shorts past a man’s knees correlates to how big of a douchebag they are. “We’ve found that the biggest douchebags are those men who wear basketball shorts that are far too big and way past their knees and men […]Read More
LOS ANGELES – Marvel announced 12 titles for Phase 5 at San Diego Comic-Con this past Saturday, promising nothing but shitty movies, exciting Marvel fans across the globe. Although fans are waiting for Phase 4 to conclude in 2023, the fifth phase has gotten many eager about the future of the shit films. Phase 4 […]Read More
DALLAS, TX – It’s been confirmed that Elon Musk is not an actual human but a human husk controlled by an alien living inside of him. The report was confirmed after recent pictures of Musk with no shirt on showed that there was no chance he was an actual human with how fucked he looked. […]Read More
AUSTIN, TX – Local podcast and comedian fan Jason Terry, 31, is confused why the insanely wealthy comic and podcaster Joe Rogan is seemingly out of touch compared to how he was years ago. The report comes as many are calling Rogan out of touch, with recent videos of the comedian and podcaster confused about […]Read More
ATHENS, GA – Local hot dog vendor Gerry Manders reportedly loves the recent Supreme Court rulings and hopes they overturn gay marriage next. “It’s about time they get rid of the right to gay marriage. It’s so wrong that it is allowed. Marriage is between a man and a woman, and that’s it,” said the […]Read More
WASHINGTON – A team of researchers went to the White House to confirm a recent study to President Joe Biden that a sinus infection remains the most annoying thing on Earth. “Nothing is more annoying than a sinus infection. It lingers but doesn’t make you so sick that you can call off work. All it […]Read More
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