ROCHESTER, NY – A new study from the University of Rochester revealed that a trip around a grocery store at night for no sole purpose other than to waste time solves all life problems. The report comes as more Americans are reportedly feeling dreadful about the ongoing pandemic, causing many to look for ways to […]Read More
MINNEAPOLIS, MN – As the guilty verdict was read on all counts late yesterday afternoon during the George Floyd murder trial, most humans with a brain and morals breathed a sigh of relief as the country took a small step towards justice for George Floyd’s family. Many Americans, namely white religious pieces of shit, were […]Read More
WASHINGTON – With ongoing pressure to legalize cannabis at a federal level, one local man is reportedly against legalization because he hates the color green. Danny Feld, 29, has nothing against people who smoke or eat marijuana but has a strong distaste for it becoming federally legal because of how much he hates the color […]Read More
BATAVIA, NY – Local dairy farmer Harold Curdsnorter has finally had it with what he is calling an infestation of Canadian Geese coming across the border into the United States. He is demanding that a border wall be built along the entire length of the United States and Canadian border to keep them out. “It’s […]Read More
CHICAGO – After the tragic murder of 13-year-old Adam Toledo, outrage has sparked across the internet over yet another act of police brutality. One local Chicago police officer is reportedly baffled over the public’s reaction. “We’ve been killing people for no reason for years, why do people suddenly care now? I get that most people […]Read More
CHICAGO, IL – 37 children ranging in ages 5 to 16 have been injured and hospitalized after three rampaging grown men absolutely destroyed them in laser tag. No injuries are reported to be life-threatening, but many children have bruises, lacerations, and broken bones. The three men, only being referred to by their first names of […]Read More
WASHINGTON – Mitch McConnell and the rest of his scum Republican cohorts are livid with giant corporations that they gave tax cuts too like Coca-Cola and Delta, speaking out against the racist voting restriction laws that have recently been signed into law in Georgia. “How dare these corporations criticize the new voting laws in Georgia. […]Read More
WASHINGTON – Hillary Clinton’s Podcast, You and Me Both with Hillary Clinton, is reportedly being removed from iHeartRadio and all podcast providers after it was discovered 100% of listeners jumped off a bridge while listening to it. The report comes after a string of former politicians announced they began podcasts, many wondering who the hell […]Read More
BUFFALO, NY – Local Stupid Fuck, Ronald Foreskin, can’t believe the unseasonably warm temperatures they’ve been having in his hometown of Buffalo, New York. The grass is growing, leaves are budding on the trees early, and they’ve already broken the high-temperature record for multiple days. This isn’t just happening in Foreskin’s hometown though; this […]Read More
WASHINGTON – U.S. federal health officials have called for a halt in the use of the Johnson & Johnson coronavirus vaccine, after six women have reportedly heard Livin’ la Vida Loca’ by Ricky Martin in their head non-stop since getting the vaccine. “I just want it to stop. The pain of hearing this song without […]Read More
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