‘Throw My Body in the Trash’ Says Anti-Cemetery Guy

LONDON – Local anti-cemetery guy Oscar Folk, 38, is reportedly telling everyone around him to throw his body in the trash when he dies instead of being buried in a cemetery. Folk told reporters that being buried in a cemetery is his greatest nightmare, without giving any clear reasons why he hates cemeteries. “I hate […]Read More

Nothing Worse Than Someone Who Really Enjoys Thanksgiving

WASHINGTON – With the month changing to November, Americans are witnessing a slew of warnings from Thanksgiving enthusiasts, stating to not forget about the stupid holiday before the other stupid Holiday, Christmas. “Remember, there’s another holiday before Christmas, and that holiday is Thanksgiving. Sure, it’s all a holiday where people have to sit their annoying […]Read More

Opinion: Never Trust Someone Who is Trying to Murder You

NEW YORK – The average person has trust issues to varying degrees, whether it’s a result of how they were raised, a relationship, friendship, or other internal or external factors. With this in mind, the primary person you should never trust is someone trying to murder you. A murderer is someone who commits murder, also […]Read More

Study Shows Secret to Being World Traveler is to Simply Be Born Into Wealth

SEATTLE, WA – A new study from Seattle University shows that the secret to being a world traveler, someone who excessively posts themselves in various places on the social media platform Instagram, is to be born into wealth. The study occurred after many wondered how many Instagram influencers could constantly travel without doing anything. “We […]Read More

Couple Only Eats Apples For Years to Come After Apple Picking for Far Too Long

WATKINS GLEN, NY – Local couple Jeannie and Joe have an exorbitant amount of apples after apple picking for 11 days straight in October. The couple was reportedly so excited for apple picking season that they’ve spent nearly two weeks picking apples without a single break. The two were hospitalized from dehydration. “We nearly died, […]Read More

Man Loves Halloween So Much, He Becomes Serial Killer All Year Round

WASHINGTON – Local man Jerry Fallow, 31, reportedly loves Halloween, a celebration observed in many countries on October 31, so much that he acts as a serial killer throughout the year. “I love the spooky festivities of Halloween more than anyone. It’s such a fun thing to go around and scare people. It’s so fun […]Read More

Airbnb Stay ‘Not Bad’ Despite Blair Witch Den in Attic

ITHACA, NY – Local friends John, Jerry, and Kris reportedly stayed at an average at best Airbnb in Ithaca that wasn’t bad, despite the Blair Witch Den that was in the Attic. According to legend, the Blair Witch is said to be the ghost of Elly Kedward, a woman banished from the Blair Township (latter-day […]Read More