ITHACA, NY – Local friends John, Jerry, and Kris reportedly stayed at an average at best Airbnb in Ithaca that wasn’t bad, despite the Blair Witch Den that was in the Attic. According to legend, the Blair Witch is said to be the ghost of Elly Kedward, a woman banished from the Blair Township (latter-day […]Read More
ST. LOUIS, MO – Local Washington University in St. Louis student Joe Exon, 20, is reportedly excited to graduate in a couple of years so he can enter the actual shit cycle of life. “Nothing is better than being done with school and entering the shit cycle we call life. I’m going to wither away, […]Read More
LONDON – With the news that Queen Elizabeth II, Britain’s longest-ruling monarch, died at 96 years old on Thursday, local horrible person, Chelsea Scottinson, 29, is reportedly upset she no longer has an awful Queen to look up to. “Queen Elizabeth was a reminder that no matter how awful a person was, they could hide […]Read More
NEW YORK CITY – Local Yankees fan, Joe England, 28, is reportedly facing a crisis as his New York Yankees continue to underperform. When England found out that sports don’t matter at all in the real world and that he could focus on things that matter in his life, England refused to acknowledge anything being […]Read More
ALBANY, NY – The Fortenski family has been going through a lot of family strife lately that centers on their oldest son Billy, 30, who pisses and shits on the floor in his room and never cleans it up. “It’s just so gross. There are ants and flies all over the place, and the entire […]Read More
NEW YORK CITY – Local surgeon Ellis Double, 31, is reportedly bummed that he can’t take selfies, a photograph that one has taken of oneself, with organs of the patients he performs surgery on. “I only got into the whole surgeon thing so I could take some cool selfies with organs. For whatever reason, they […]Read More
BOSTON, MA – Local rich douchebag Tommy Ballsak is disgusted with President Joe Biden’s student loan forgiveness program, which includes debt forgiveness for some borrowers and extends the pandemic-related payment pause. “It’s so bad that this is allowed to happen. It’s an insult to every hard-working person out there who does things right and […]Read More
PORTLAND, OR – A new bug spray from Outdoors Company Kill em All Bug Spray reportedly kills the human who uses the spray, allowing the person to avoid mosquitoes forever. “Everyone knows how annoying mosquitoes are. Rather than develop a bug spray that kills the mosquito, why not make a spray that kills the person?” […]Read More
WASHINGTON – A new report from George Washington University is unsure how the average person cannot save money. Meanwhile, a report from Georgetown University shows the average cost of living has tripled. The two reports are unrelated, according to lead Economics Studier John Todd, despite the cost of living and ability to save money being […]Read More
DALLAS, TX – Local man Ted Torso is very excited for the Cowboys season to start up this season so he and his buds can go to all the games and blow their life savings getting wasted on extremely overpriced shit beer at the stadium. “It’s just a great time, ya know. My boys and […]Read More
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