Governor Ron Desantis Announces He Will Become Serial Killer of Democratic Voters for the Rest of the Year Leading Up to His Re-election in November

TALLAHASSEE, FL – Governor Ronnie Desantis of Florida announced that he will become a serial killer of Democratic voters in Florida for the rest of the year leading up to the election in November, where he is running for re-election. “Statewide elections in Florida are always very close so I figure if I could knock […]Read More

American Defends Inflated Military Budget ‘Why Would I Want Free Healthcare, Education, and Better Roads When Our Government Can Bomb Stuff?’

DALLAS, TX – Local Texas man John Elvis, 39, is defending the United States’ military budget, claiming the budget is worth it so the nation can bomb countries instead of guaranteeing every citizen free healthcare, education, and better roads. “Why would I want this country to be better for every citizen when I can cheer […]Read More

Man Shocked Frozen Pizza Wasn’t Half Bad

AUSTIN, TX – Local Austin man Nic Style, 29, is reportedly shocked that the Digiorno Frozen Pizza he made for dinner at 10 PM wasn’t utterly disgusting, claiming it to be not half bad.   “Normally you’d think a frozen pizza of this caliber would be disgusting but I was wrong. It ended up not […]Read More