Airbnb Stay ‘Not Bad’ Despite Blair Witch Den in Attic

ITHACA, NY – Local friends John, Jerry, and Kris reportedly stayed at an average at best Airbnb in Ithaca that wasn’t bad, despite the Blair Witch Den that was in the Attic. According to legend, the Blair Witch is said to be the ghost of Elly Kedward, a woman banished from the Blair Township (latter-day […]Read More

Horrible Person Saddened She No Long has an Awful Queen to Look Up to

LONDON – With the news that Queen Elizabeth II, Britain’s longest-ruling monarch, died at 96 years old on Thursday, local horrible person, Chelsea Scottinson, 29, is reportedly upset she no longer has an awful Queen to look up to. “Queen Elizabeth was a reminder that no matter how awful a person was, they could hide […]Read More

Surgeon Bummed He Can’t Take Selfies With Organs

NEW YORK CITY – Local surgeon Ellis Double, 31, is reportedly bummed that he can’t take selfies, a photograph that one has taken of oneself, with organs of the patients he performs surgery on. “I only got into the whole surgeon thing so I could take some cool selfies with organs. For whatever reason, they […]Read More

New Bug Spray Kills Human, Allowing Them to Avoid Mosquitoes Forever

PORTLAND, OR – A new bug spray from Outdoors Company Kill em All Bug Spray reportedly kills the human who uses the spray, allowing the person to avoid mosquitoes forever. “Everyone knows how annoying mosquitoes are. Rather than develop a bug spray that kills the mosquito, why not make a spray that kills the person?” […]Read More

Report Unsure How People Can’t Save Money, Meanwhile Cost of Living Triples

WASHINGTON – A new report from George Washington University is unsure how the average person cannot save money. Meanwhile, a report from Georgetown University shows the average cost of living has tripled. The two reports are unrelated, according to lead Economics Studier John Todd, despite the cost of living and ability to save money being […]Read More