LONDON – Local anti-cemetery guy Oscar Folk, 38, is reportedly telling everyone around him to throw his body in the trash when he dies instead of being buried in a cemetery. Folk told reporters that being buried in a cemetery is his greatest nightmare, without giving any clear reasons why he hates cemeteries. “I hate […]Read More
WASHINGTON – With the month changing to November, Americans are witnessing a slew of warnings from Thanksgiving enthusiasts, stating to not forget about the stupid holiday before the other stupid Holiday, Christmas. “Remember, there’s another holiday before Christmas, and that holiday is Thanksgiving. Sure, it’s all a holiday where people have to sit their annoying […]Read More
NEW YORK – The average person has trust issues to varying degrees, whether it’s a result of how they were raised, a relationship, friendship, or other internal or external factors. With this in mind, the primary person you should never trust is someone trying to murder you. A murderer is someone who commits murder, also […]Read More
NEW YORK CITY – Local Yankees fan Rodney Soll, 32, is reportedly excited to hate himself and his favorite MLB team, the New York Yankees, for the next several months until he gets overly excited again for spring training in February 2023. The report comes after the Yankees got Swept by the Houston Astros in […]Read More
SEATTLE, WA – A new study from Seattle University shows that the secret to being a world traveler, someone who excessively posts themselves in various places on the social media platform Instagram, is to be born into wealth. The study occurred after many wondered how many Instagram influencers could constantly travel without doing anything. “We […]Read More
WATKINS GLEN, NY – Local couple Jeannie and Joe have an exorbitant amount of apples after apple picking for 11 days straight in October. The couple was reportedly so excited for apple picking season that they’ve spent nearly two weeks picking apples without a single break. The two were hospitalized from dehydration. “We nearly died, […]Read More
WASHINGTON – Local man Jerry Fallow, 31, reportedly loves Halloween, a celebration observed in many countries on October 31, so much that he acts as a serial killer throughout the year. “I love the spooky festivities of Halloween more than anyone. It’s such a fun thing to go around and scare people. It’s so fun […]Read More
NEW YORK CITY – Local blogger Ronnie Rads, 28, is reportedly running out of things to write about that no one cares about on his various blogs. “I used to write a bunch, but with life being so shitty and boring, what the hell do I write about? I can’t think of shit,” said Rads. […]Read More
ITHACA, NY – Local friends John, Jerry, and Kris reportedly stayed at an average at best Airbnb in Ithaca that wasn’t bad, despite the Blair Witch Den that was in the Attic. According to legend, the Blair Witch is said to be the ghost of Elly Kedward, a woman banished from the Blair Township (latter-day […]Read More
ST. LOUIS, MO – Local Washington University in St. Louis student Joe Exon, 20, is reportedly excited to graduate in a couple of years so he can enter the actual shit cycle of life. “Nothing is better than being done with school and entering the shit cycle we call life. I’m going to wither away, […]Read More
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